You poor, poor 'nice guys'
We just read a blog by a man who claims he is writing a book to help "nice guys" get laid. One thing we know is that the "nice guys" who always complain about not getting laid are usually not nice guys. If they were, they wouldn't be so focused on "getting laid" and would actually complain about not having a girlfriend. Now, that is a nice guy. Plus, nice is more than paying for dinner. It means being respectful of other people too.
Also, dudes believe that when they are nice, it is SUCH an accomplishment for them to be a "nice guy" that they deserve every woman they want to fall in love with them. As if women arent as complex in their needs and desires as men can be. How come I never hear a chick saying, "Why don't men like me? I'm a nice girl." I'm sure we'd all laugh in her face. And god forbid if she was ugly.
When women are sensitive and nice, men take it for granted. How come men never put "nice" on their list of requirements for a girlfriend? It's because they just assume women are going to be nice. But women on the other hand have to consider that a nice guy is a rarity.
If you are nice and you are not "getting laid," it is undoubtedly not because you are nice. It is because of the many other reasons why its sometimes hard for people to get together. Take some responsibility for it and figure out how to make yourself a more enjoyable person to be with and you will get chicks.
Also, dudes believe that when they are nice, it is SUCH an accomplishment for them to be a "nice guy" that they deserve every woman they want to fall in love with them. As if women arent as complex in their needs and desires as men can be. How come I never hear a chick saying, "Why don't men like me? I'm a nice girl." I'm sure we'd all laugh in her face. And god forbid if she was ugly.
When women are sensitive and nice, men take it for granted. How come men never put "nice" on their list of requirements for a girlfriend? It's because they just assume women are going to be nice. But women on the other hand have to consider that a nice guy is a rarity.
If you are nice and you are not "getting laid," it is undoubtedly not because you are nice. It is because of the many other reasons why its sometimes hard for people to get together. Take some responsibility for it and figure out how to make yourself a more enjoyable person to be with and you will get chicks.
posted by RegularGirl at 6:09 AM
2 Comments:
This is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. The difference between the men who complain about not getting laid and the men who are getting laid is success. If you think the men who are getting laid aren't focused on it, then you're missing the obvious. And if they weren't focused on it, you'd be offended. "Oh, yeah, we're having sex, it's no big deal. It doesn't *mean* anything. I could take it or leave it.' I know plenty of women who do say "Why don't men like me? I'm a nice girl." Just because something doesn't happen in your experience, doensn't mean it doesn't happen; it could mean your sample size is too limited. As for the women I've known who say that, usually, they're wrong. Plenty of men like them, they have far more dates, boyfriends and sex than the nice guys with the difficulties with the ladies. However, the liking is usually not a permanent condition, the objects of their affection move on. So really their question should be "How can I get a man to commit to me? At least until I am bored with him, instead of vice-versa?" And the obvious answer is "Find someone who would really appreciate you" Now possibly this could be a "nice guy" There are a lot of trends in that direction. Since this woman says yes, she is unique above all others, and therefore infinitely more valuable. Since the 'nice guy' has little experience, he may not be constantly judging and comparing the woman against others he's been with. Also since he is inept with the ladies, and has been overlooked so far, it's unlikely that he would be 'stolen' by some other woman. While this is the more likely scenario, it's not a sure thing. Undoubtedly some of the nice guys are merely jerks who never had the chance to be jerks due to their low attractiveness to women.
A few of the women who say "Why don't men like me? I'm a nice girl." are correct. Men don't like them. Usually this is because they have some glaring deficiency or are otherwise completely unremarkable. These are extremely heart-rending cases for the nice guys because you'd really like to be doing something for them, but for one reason or another just don't feel it.
As a man, in my opinion, the reason men don't put nice on their list of requirements for a girlfriend is because it's too much to expect. Some men do, nice guys for example. But when they mean nice, they don't mean "emotionally sensitive", except in the sense of "please lord, don't let this one rip my heart out and stomp on it by making me think she's available and interested in me when really all she wants is friendship" Or "please lord, don't let her turn utterly psychotic after we've slept together, I'd really like to be able to continue this relationship" Women are so volatile emotionally, that what men want most is peace or consistency, not niceness. And if they can't have that, and most are realistic enough to know that they can't, then they want her to at least be hot in bed.
I used to think I was a nice guy, but I've basically given up on that. Now I'm a jerk and it hasn't changed the amount of sex I have, but at least I don't have to treat the world in a supplicative manner any more. It's certainly easier. Occasionally I have niceness relapses, which is annoying, and kills my game, but I think I'm making progress.
So why are the 'nice guys' so fixated on sex? Because they have wonderful, intimate, emotional, totally platonic relationships with women that they would really like to be their girlfriends but aren't. You've seen Will & Grace? Well, like that, except the guy is straight and the woman is uninterested in anything more. In the 'nice guy's' mind the only difference between the two conditions is that the bf/gf are having sex and liking it, and he and his platonic girl friend are not. This leads the nice guy to think that he would be really good at the whole relationship thing if he could only get by the gnarly problem of mutual attraction. And hence, the fixation on the not-getting-laid thing.
You always were a jerk; you didn't just become one.
You say that now you've become a jerk. Do you know what a jerk is? A jerk is a cruel person. Is that what you want to be? If you did that, then you always were. And stupid as well.
Would your parents be proud of you? Are you proud of yourself?
Or maybe what you did is get a sense of humor or you took a stand for things you believed in. Because that's what girls like. That's called, well, having a personality. Cruelty is not attractive. Having a personality is.
You can do that and become more attractive without having to belittle other people or kick animals or use women.
If a girl is friends with you because she's not attracted to you, that doesn't mean this will change if you turn into a jerk, or that you're doing something wrong, or that SHE's doing something wrong.
It means that girls have different levels of attraction to guys, just like guys do. Not everyone is the same. I have been attracted to great guys, and unattracted to other great guys, and it all goes to minute deatils of how our personalities click, not who's a jerk and who's not.
So why is niceness always seen as the culprit?
You write: "...Men don't like them. Usually this is because they have some glaring deficiency or are otherwise completely unremarkable."
Same for men.
"As a man, in my opinion, the reason men don't put nice on their list of requirements for a girlfriend is because it's too much to expect."
Give me a break. There are nice girls all over if you truly look for them.
But you put things like "hot" and "big boobs" on your lists and then your chances decrease.
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